Narrative Therapy and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

I want you to briefly think about the main character of your favorite movie and think about what thoughts might have been going through their head during your favorite scene. Got it? Great! So that is exactly how our own mind works but most of the time, those thoughts are running in the background inside our subconscious. However, they have the same effect as if they are being thought consciously. Clinical studies show it's actually more powerful because it is taking place a "deeper" layer in our thinking! (de Vries, et al., 2010)

As children, we are constantly taking information from our surroundings and even before we know how to write or speak, our mind is already constructing sentences that make up the story of our life. See, we are all the main characters of our own movie. The sentences that make up our story may be as small as, “chocolate is my favorite flavor” or as large as, “I cannot have successful relationships because I have been diagnosed with a personality disorder.” While one of them clearly has a much bigger impact on our life, both of them come from the same source: personal experience. Each time you eat chocolate and think “oh wow, this is so delicious” you are reinforcing that chocolate is your favorite flavor. Similarly, each time you try and make a friend and it doesn’t work out, for whatever the reason, you are reinforcing that your diagnosis is negatively impacting your life. So what would happen if you started choosing what you thought about your experiences?

By doing this, we take the pen out of the hand of the subconscious mind and put it in the hand of the conscious mind. Your hand! In the beginning, the edits we make are small, but overtime they have a huge impact on our life. You might start saying, “what if there is a better flavor than chocolate?” And before you know it, you start ordering flavors of ice cream you never thought you would try. Or maybe, the next time you don’t click with someone you say, “there’s a dozen reasons they didn’t want to be my friend, but it has nothing to do with me.” And then you gradually start noticing all the people you do connect with and all the friends you make!

This process is an example of how narrative therapy works with individuals in sessions. It begins with the client and therapist identifying a story that is in the subconscious mind that plays itself out in the client’s behaviors, thoughts, and emotional triggers. Through questions which facilitate self-exploration, the two identify the core of the story. Some stories are very direct, while others might have many different behaviors which branch out, such as with Codependency. However, the goal remains to get as close to the core issue of the story as possible. With the codependent individual, it might be something like, “everyone will eventually leave me.”

Once the core of the story has been identified, they work together on finding ways to rewrite the story that is being told. Depending on what the story is, the rewriting process might be as simple as verbal and mental affirmations of the story they want to experience. Alternatively, they might be as complex as challenging the client to verbalize and own the story so they can let go of the story. “Susie, I’m afraid you’re going to abandon me like my parents did.” While the client is the one who must take the action, the therapist provides support and guidance, ensuring that the client doesn’t bite off more than they can chew at any given stage in healing process.

If you're interested in working with me and exploring what stories you are subconsciously telling yourself, reach out through the contact form, call the number below or send an email. Dawning Sun Therapy has many capable professionals able to help.

References

de Vries, M., Witteman, C. L. M., Holland, R. W., & Dijksterhuis, A. (2010). The unconscious thought effect in clinical decision making: An example in diagnosis. Medical Decision Making, 30(5), 578–581. https://doi.org/10.1177/0272989X09360820